Breaking Point

The last half of May came with a lot of ups and downs in several aspects of my life. I found out at the end of April that the company I’ve been at for the last 2.5 years is losing the contract to provide care for clients I work with at the end of June, so I began looking for a new job. A few weeks ago, I accepted a job offer to be a Donor Tech at The Community Blood Center. This new job not only comes with a pay increase and affordable benefits but it also has daytime hours. I gave notice to both of my employers, and working only one job means weekends off. For the first time in three years, I’ve had the opportunity to have a social life. Unfortunately that social freedom has come with eating junk food, going out to the bars, and has led to a gain on the scale. The entire time I’ve been conscious of the choices I’ve made and that they’re poor choices in terms of physical health. That being said, I think it’s been important for my mental health to starting being less of a hermit and expanding my teeny-tiny social circle.

May also meant attending my brother’s wedding which was followed less than a week later by a very unexpected funeral. I haven’t had a real conversation with my brother, or most of my extended family, in over 5 years. For various reasons, I have very little desire to renew my relationship with many of them, but I attended the wedding out of a sense of obligation. I brought a friend with me, but through no fault of his own, his presence did very little to help ease the uncomfortable feeling and we left shortly after dinner. The following week, I found out that my “cousin’s” mom, who had been visiting from Germany, passed away unexpectedly. Because I had only met her once at the wedding a few days earlier, her passing wasn’t emotional for me in the sense of having been close to her; however, the suddenness of her passing came with a lot of painful reminders. My dad passed away at the age of 55 in February of 2011 after his recovery from bladder cancer took a quick turn for the worse. While talking to my aunt at the funeral, I was also reminded of my uncle’s sudden passing in 2006 after a heart attack he had while working at the high school myself and my cousins attended.

Reflecting back on all the memories, I’ve hit a breaking point. I’ve always been the strong one for everyone else, but now it’s time that I start being strong for myself.

I’m going to take these last few days of May to be easy on myself in terms of diet and exercise. Not only do I need the time off for a mental and emotional reset, but I also need to reset my sleep schedule to switch from working 3rd shift to working 1st shift. I have big plans to make June a great month. My new job starts at 8am on Monday the 2nd, and I’m super stoked about it. In addition to the workouts with my Herbalife family on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I’ll be starting with a personal trainer Tuesdays and Thursdays beginning the second week of June. Schedule allowing, I’ll be taking some yoga and Pilates classes at the local Y, as well.

After I get weighed, measured, and fat scanned by my wonderful Herbalife coach, Jennifer, one of my goals for the month will be to not get on the scale again for a full 4 weeks. Since I’ll be adding in quite a bit of additional strength training, I don’t want the number on the scale to discourage me while my body adjusts to its new routine. Cardio is still a struggle for me since I don’t enjoy it, so I’m going to challenge myself to 30 minutes of more intense cardio at least four days a week. Other goals will be similar to the past months: meeting my water, calorie, and protein intake needs for each day, extremely limiting any eating out and junk food, and getting enough sleep, which will hopefully be a lot easier with this new job.

May Challenges

I just wanted to give a quick update since it’s been a while since my last post. I’ve chosen to partake in two challenges for May through Recharge, the Herbalife nutrition club I go to. The first is a 10 Day Fat Blast Challenge focusing on nutrition by way of using the Herbalife meal replacement shakes and limiting calorie intake. Today is the end of Day 2. I can’t say that I feel much better than the last few days before the challenge, but I don’t feel any worse either. I’ll post an update of pounds & body fat percentage lost and any increase in lean body mass at the end of the 10 days. The second challenge is also through Recharge. It’s a Fit Challenge that lasts through May 30th, and is fitness focused. Recharge will be running free full body workouts Monday, Wednesday, Friday and every other Saturday. In addition I’ll be doing cardio, strength training, and yoga on my own. The goal of this challenge is to lose body fat and gain lean body mass.

For the Fit Challenge, everyone participating took metrics last night. In addition to measurements and a body fat scan, we recorded how many pushups and situps we could do in a minute as well as how quickly we could run a mile. As you all know one of my goals is to run a 7 minute mile. I’m breaking that down for myself into smaller goals: 10 minutes, 9 minutes, 8 minutes, and ultimately 7 minutes. With trying to increase my endurance to help with my asthma and longer distances, I’ve been running about 15 minute miles. Yes, it’s slow, but it’s still running. Yesterday I surprised myself by running a 12:26 mile. As much as I’m proud of myself for that time, I’m also a bit bummed by realizing that I know my legs could go farther and faster, but my lungs aren’t allowing me to breathe properly to continue pushing my legs. It’s a little disheartening to know that something so out of your control like asthma is slowing your progress, but I’m sure that by the end of May when we redo metrics, I’m sure that I will be seeing some improvements.

Changes

It’s been a little bit since I’ve posted. And I hate to admit it, but I’ve been slacking in my C25K training, though I have been doing a lot of cardio to help with my endurance. I’ll be getting back on track with C25K on Saturday. My legs are in need of a rest day tomorrow. In other news though, in 3 weeks I’m down 5.4 lbs and have lost a total of 4.25 inches… 2 inches in my under bust, 1.25 inches in my waist and 1 inch in my hips.

I can feel my knee getting stronger even though after some of the more leg intensive workouts, I can still feel it pop, it’s not nearly as bad. The next set of pole classes starts April 27th, which I won’t be participating in. I want to gain a little more knee strength, and hopefully overall strength first, not to mention losing more weight. But I plan on enrolling again for the sessions that will start in June. I’m really looking forward to it. The Herbalife fitness club that I go to gets a lot of credit for my success this last month. It’s such an amazingly supportive group of people I’m proud to call friends, and who can argue with free full-body workouts? I’m not huge on the idea of drinking my meals, but I am considering taking their 10 Day Fat Blast Challenge in May, which involves drinking the Herbalife shakes and sticking to a lower calorie goal for the day + eating back any exercise calories. I don’t have all the details of the Challenge yet, but I’ll certainly keep you all updated.

Running Proud

This week I officially started Couch to 5K. For those of you not familiar with the C25K program, the first week’s routine is a simple 5 minute warm-up walk, followed by alternating between 60 sec running, 90 sec walking (repeated 8 times), and then a 5 minute cool-down walk. This first day was definitely a challenge for me, an admittedly out of shape, overweight, asthmatic ginger.  The second day proved easier, and by my third training day, Week 1’s routine provide rather easy. It was easy enough that I wanted to see just how long I could run at one time.

Now mind you, in athletics running is defined as a gait in which both feet are periodically off the ground at the same time. So by that definition, I don’t run fast, but I do run. Let’s take a quick jaunt back to high school days because who doesn’t love thinking about those Glory Days? Throughout school P.E. classes, I was always the kid who walked the mile and would have preferred to just opt out of it altogether. So while seeing how long I could run was going to be a physical challenge, it was more of a mental one, as is often the case with any physical feat. I weigh more than I did in high school by quite a bit, but I also know that I’m in better shape now than I was then, which is kind of sad considering just how out of shape I am currently. More to the point though, I knew I’d have to push through the mental barrier even harder than the physical one.

I did a 4 minute warm-up walk, mentally pep-talking myself the entire time, and once I saw 04:00 on the treadmill, I increased the speed and began my run. My legs were sore from the last few days of C25K combined with a few full-body workouts this past week. I knew I could make I had to make it to at least 2 minutes running or I’d have a difficult time with Week 2 of C25K. Getting to 2 minutes was easy enough, but I wanted to quit. I wanted to say, “You made it to your minimum goal, now have a rest.”

But I didn’t. I pushed through that mental block and made it to 3 minutes, then 4 minutes, and by 5 minutes my legs were really feeling the burn, and I thought I was physically done. I always hear runners say that they get to a point where everything in them is exhausted and feels like quitting, but somewhere deep down they find an extra burst of strength to push through that wall and keep going. Well today I must have found my inner runner because before I knew it, I had made it to 7 minutes straight of running. I ran a half mile in 7 minutes straight. I don’t think I’ve ever run a half mile in my life without stopping to walk. After a short walking break, I found it in me to run another 3 minutes and then walk some more. I’m tired. I’m sore. But I’m proud.

 

13. “Lolita” by Vladimir Nabokov

lolita.large_

I have officially picked up a copy of my first reading list book, and boy was it tough to not rifle my way through the entirety of Barnes & Noble to find more treasures! There’s just something so exciting about book stores. But more to the point, from the title of this post I’m sure you’ve already figured out the first book I’ve selected is Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. Prior to reading the back of the book, which doesn’t give too much additional information, I didn’t know much about Lolita beyond it being considered a controversial novel about a taboo romantic relationship (likely with a young girl judging by the word “lolita”).

“Awe and exhilaration – along with heartbreak and mordant wit – abound in Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov’s most famous and controversial novel, which tells the story of the aging Humbert Humbert’s obsessive, devouring, and doomed passion for the nymphet Dolores Haze. Most of all, it is a meditation on love – love as outrage and hallucination, madness and transformation.” 

Also from the back of the book is a little snippet about Mr. Nabokov.

“Vladimir Nabokov was born in St. Petersburg, Russia, in 1899. He studied at Trinity College, Cambridge, and launched his literary career in Berlin and Paris. in 1940 he moved to the United States, where he achieved renown as a novelist, poet, critic, and translator. Lolita was first published by the Olympia Press, Paris, on September 15, 1955. Nabokov died in Montreux, Switzerland in 1977.”

Po(le)stponed

My knee hasn’t fully strengthened since I dislocated it at work about a year ago. There have been several times when I’ve felt it move around and pop like in ways it shouldn’t. The last few pole classes and practices, I’ve felt it moving around, and it’s become painful. And this last practice it popped and locked up to the point where I had to force my knee to bend to move the kneecap back into place. So, with much sadness, I’m choosing to postpone my career as a stripper in hopes of doing some rehab on my knee. But don’t worry! I let the studio know what’s up, and they’re going to give me a 50% credit toward my next session as soon as my knee is up to par. With any luck, in the next 5 weeks until a new session starts at the studio, I’ll have a stronger knee, stronger body overall, and I’ll be down at least another 10lbs.

Book List

So I figured since item #22 of my 30 is to finish my reading list, I should probably post that list. Now, as quite the obsessive reader, this task will never truly be finished for me; however, I have been creating a list of books, many of them classics, that I want to read. The list I’m going to post might be added to as the weeks, months, years, go by, but I’m going to start with what I have on it for now, and I’ll post an update, short summary, and my thoughts on each book as I check them off. 

  1. To Kill A Mocking Bird by Harper Lee (read in school – want to reread as an adult)
  2. Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen
  3. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
  4. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
  5. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
  6. Crime & Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
  7. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
  8. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
  9. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
  10. Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
  11. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck (read in school – want to read as an adult)
  12. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
  13. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
  14. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
  15. The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri
  16. East of Eden by John Steinbeck
  17. Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
  18. The Canterbury Tales by Geoffery Chaucer
  19. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
  20. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
  21. The Time Machine by H.G. Wells
  22. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
  23. The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
  24. Paradise Lost by John Milton
  25. The Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare
  26. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
  27. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle
  28. A Separate Peace by John Knowles
  29. Faust by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  30. The Art of War by Sun Tzu
  31. The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
  32. The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster
  33. Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie
  34. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
  35. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mich Albom
  36. Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions by Edwin A. Abbott
  37. The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams
  38. The Cider House Rules by John Irving
  39. Don Juan by George Gordon Byron
  40. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
  41. For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway
  42. Lady Chatterly’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence
  43. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love by Raymond Carver
  44. The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris
  45. The Royal Enigma by Krishna Bhatt
  46. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving
  47. A Modest Proposal by Jonathon Swift
  48. Looking for Alaska by John Green
  49. The Concubine by Norah Lofts
  50. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
  51. What She Saw by Lucinda Rosenfeld
  52. A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan
  53. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
  54. Main Street by Sinclair Lewis
  55. Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson
  56. I Love Dick by Chris Kraus
  57. Bossypants by Tina Fey
  58. How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran
  59. How to Cook Everything by Mark Bittman
  60. How’s Your Drink? by Eric Felten
  61. Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides
  62. A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking
  63. The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
  64. I Was Told There’d Be Cake by Sloane Crosley
  65. Life After Life by Kate Atkinson
  66. At Home by Bill Bryson
  67. Ringing Cedars Series by Vladimir Megre
  68. Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
  69. After Long Silence by Helen Fremont
  70. Breakfast with Buddha by Roland Merullo
  71. The Last Cannoli by Camile Cusumano
  72. Don’t Stop the Carnival by Herman Wouk
  73. The Hunt for the Seventh by Christine Morton-Shaw
  74. When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present by Gail Collins
  75. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
  76. The Hunger Fix by Dr. Pam Peeke
  77. The New Rules of Lifting for Women by Lou Schuler
  78. Run Your Butt Off! by Leslie Bonci
  79. Flat Belly Yoga by Kimberly Fowler
  80. Deep Survival by Laurence Gonzales
  81. Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom by Dr. Christiane Northrup
  82. The Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson
  83. You are Not So Smart/ You are Now Less Dumb by David McRaney
  84. Quiet: The Power of Introverts by Susan Cain
  85. Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandella
  86. The 5 Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman
  87. The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal
  88. Spontaneous Healing by Dr. Andrew Weil
  89. Appetites: Why Women Want by Caroline Knapp
  90. The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
  91. The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope
  92. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
  93. The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf
  94. Wild by Cheryl Strayed
  95. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling
  96. Everything Is Perfect When You’re a Liar by Kelly Oxford
  97. Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson
  98. The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh
  99. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
  100. Maus by Art Spiegelman

It’s a decently long list, but over the next 7 years, only averages out to 1.25 books per month. I welcome any suggestions you lovely people might have to add to this list – anything from Classics to Graphic Novel suggestions are welcome!

Pole: Week 1

Today I’m proud to say that I took my first step out of my very small comfort zone. I attended my first pole dance class. Now if the only idea that comes to mind when you hear “pole dance” is a sleazy strip club, I would recommend that you hop on over to YouTube and watch a few competitive pole routines. The amount of muscle strength required to do the basic moves (and I use “basic” loosely since there’s nothing basic about they can do) and then to add artistic styling to those moves is insanely impressive. The center I’m taking my classes at teaches in 8 week sessions and they separate classes by skill level, so those of us just starting don’t feel intimated by women who’ve been dancing for years. I would like to point out that, even when I don’t really dance… like ever… not even drunk. So I knew going into this that 1) I’m very out of shape and 2) I’m probably the least coordinated person you can find. Any of my peers could attest to how ridiculous I looked in gym classes.

Speaking of which, when the class first started, I must say that a part of me immediately felt like the chubby asthmatic kid in middle school gym. Without thinking I sought comfort in the back of the room next to the only other woman in the class who wasn’t already in decent shape. I saw myself in the floor to ceiling mirrors, barefoot and clad in a pair of very short shorts and a tank top, and I instinctively wanted to cover up… to hide. I had to remind myself that while it was OK to stand in the back of the room, it wasn’t OK to feel like I didn’t belong simply because my body isn’t in the shape I’d like it to be. I had paid to be there just like the rest of the women. This wasn’t a mandatory gym class. This was something fun I had chosen to do. As the class went on I felt less and less self-conscious.

I’d like to clarify some things about pole dancing. When they say you don’t have to be coordinated to do it, they’re liars. Big. Fat. Liars. Seriously though, I really am not very good at getting all parts of my body working toward the same fluid movement, but it got a little easier as the class progressed, and the instructor was excellent at explaining how to move your body to complete a particular move. I still have a lot of progress to make, but I learned a lot.

  • When they say that women of any shape or size can pole dance… they mean it
  • When they say that it’s a great workout… they mean it
  • Every movement looks fancy if you do it on your tiptoes
  • Toenails are ugly and I really need to keep mine painted
  • Tyra is right… everyone looks sexy with a booty tooch!

Reality Check

As a single 23 year old looking to start school full-time and working two mentally and physically stressful jobs, most people would describe me as a workaholic. I like to think of it as being hardworking in pursuit of my goals, though there are times when I think of it more in terms of not wanting to be poor – something we can all relate to these days. Even though I know my work ethic and the job experience I’m gaining are helping me get closer to a financially stable and rewarding career, I’m also beginning to realize what my friends have been telling me for years: I work too much. Don’t get me wrong though. Both of my jobs (one full-time, one part-time) have me caring for developmentally disabled adults in their homes, and I absolutely love it. I feel very lucky that three years ago I fell into a job that I love at the young age of 20. I wouldn’t trade the experience this field of work has provided me for anything. That being said, though, I have been trading away my free-time in exchange for a paycheck that I rarely spend on anything fun. And I guess that’s where this blog comes in. One thing I’ve learned these past few years is that I’m a really good planner… as long as those plans aren’t for my own life. In my own life I’ve been more of a dreamer. I’ve always believed in the power and reality of everyone else’s dreams; however, I guess it’s only been a recent discovery for me that my own dreams can be a reality. In the short 23 years I’ve been alive I’ve had to very quickly learn some of the harsh lessons this life has to teach, and until this year, I’ve let those things skew how I viewed what I can accomplish. Sob stories aside, I’m now understanding that I need to turn my own dreams into plans. In terms of physical fitness and general health I’m a resolutioner this year. What can I say? I’m a sucker for “new beginnings” as they were. I’m proud to say that since January 1st, I’ve lost nearly 20 lbs, and I’m still going strong. Weight loss has always been one of those dreams I never really believed in the reality of before. But as I’ve made progress these last two months, I’m starting to ask myself, “Why not?” Why not go skydiving? Why not travel? Why not take a naked yoga class? So I made a list, and you guessed it… all of those are on it. Perhaps it’s a bit cliche, but I’ve chosen 30 things to do before I turn 30. If you’ve made it this far,  I’m sure you’re waiting to see what made the list. So without further ado…

  1. Take pole dance classes
  2. Take boxing lessons
  3. Take belly dance classes
  4. Go skydiving
  5. Take ballroom dance classes
  6. Run a 7 minute mile
  7. Run a 5K
  8. Run a 10K
  9. Finish LPN program
  10. Finish LPN to ASN program
  11. Finish ASN to BSN program
  12. Take sign language classes
  13. Finish therapeutic massage certificate
  14. Visit Albuquerque Balloon Festival
  15. Visit Nantucket
  16. Visit Sequoia National Park
  17. Visit Maine
  18. Travel abroad
  19. Learn to ski
  20. Learn to snowboard
  21. Ride a zipline
  22. Finish my reading list
  23. Host a dinner party
  24. Host a Sunday brunch
  25. Participate in a poetry reading
  26. Sing karaoke
  27. Take a naked yoga class
  28. Learn to drive stick shift
  29. Buy a house
  30. Change someone’s life for the better

Every item on this list is something that I have been wanting to do for some time, but the majority of them are pretty far out of my comfort zone. I’m sure there are a few on here that will even surprise my friends (Hey, friends! Surprise!) I’ll explain some of my choices in later posts. For now… I’m off to nap before work!